Back to partner deadlifts-  Them shits is dumb.  See:

You better not fuck that up or Bozman and company will ‘no-rep’ your ass back to 12.1.  He’s gone rogue, no-repping the fuck out of everything.  No, not that kind of Rogue.  Well, maybe.

I can’t say I blame him there.  Rogue Fitness strikes again with bullshit reps in the form of a god damned PVC pipe that costs 13 bucks.  “But it has Knurl Marks and a 28mm diameter.”  So does an actual bar.  Use that.  Rogue- thanks for the caveat (THIS IS NOT A LOAD BEARING BAR).  It’s the exact information needed by any moron who will actually drop $13 for a PVC pipe.

Back to Bozman.  Since Reebok made CrossFit The Sport Of Fitness famous, Bozman has been able to parlay his judging skills to other arenas.  Including a real sport:

Bozman did a “No-Rep” world tour.  I don’t know what country the below picture is from (and I actually had to censor it), but what the hell kind of shit is Europe trying to pull here?

It’s not the first time a European did crazy shit.  Not only did he propagate the persecution and genocide of my people, the Fuhrer had shitty KBS form.

Back in America, Bozman came to understand something many of us have known all along.  Children are fucking terrible at sports.  So, it’s back to CrossFit for him.  And just in time for regionals. 

This year’s regional events (despite the partner deadlifts) look pretty decent.  Which is fitting, because many of you would agree with Antonio Ortiz and his nipples:

I do teh CrossFits, but it’s not my faboritegame.  Mine is making fun of CrossFit (because a lot of you take this shit very seriously).  I play on the facebook machine quite often and the majority of my recent updates have pissed off a lot of thin-skinned twats.  Some of them have called me a bad person.  Others think I’m an asshole.  I’ll bee dat.

As demonstrated above, being an asshole includes doing hood-rat shit like creating weiners-for-anonymity.  Speaking of innovation, Mark Zuckerberg came up with something highly complex for all the self-righteous crybabies who get offended by my facebook page:  

Zuckerberg’s genius is lost on many of the whiny cunts who leak their puss blood onto my facebook comments.  I’m here to make fun of shit, with or without the attention of those pussies.  I actually enjoy their pitiful attempts at converting me and my minions to their “superior” way of thinking.  Without them, I’d pay less attention to facebook.  But if a lot of them hit that unlike button, I might just have to do this:

My favorite shit is hate mail.  Most of it came from my “Fat Acceptance Is Unacceptable” post.  I actually got some death threats.  Most were poorly written but entertaining nonetheless.  One guy said he’d microwave my children like baked potatoes and eat them.  Fat people are so hungry.  Anyway, here’s an almost-clever one I particularly liked:

Being an asshole is fun, but requires strategy.  Life becomes a game of chess.  In the public bathroom at your local CrossFit Games regional event, give this one a shot:   

If you don’t understand that picture, you’re a woman or a meat-gazer.  In either case, have your boyfriend explain it to you.  Anyway, have fun at whatever Regional event in which you’ve qualified.  If you’re just going to watch, you’d better bring a flask (exercise is boring to watch and some of those event locations are drier than Mormon temples).  Drinking is the only thing the spectators will be able to enjoy in the lulls between the lulz.  This guy knows what I’m talkin ’bout:

I don't care how old this picture is. It's fucking awesome.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-Edit (25 April 2012):  From the ‘About’ section of this site.  My eloquence knows no bounds.

Strongstrength just made your skin hurt from reading that steaming pile of feces.  It’s like Lisbeth Darsh smoked PCP and fired off a machine gun that shot pink paintballs and awkward non-sequiturs.  Those of you who’ve watched over the past couple weeks as I’ve needled them on facebook know what’s been building here.  It all started a while back when someone brought this to my attention:

Why does RX Star exist?  Why do they have a sturdy facebook following?  Pointless questions, but this kind of motivational bullshit has been around longer than you and me.  In the old days, broads were tougher and smarter so it was slightly less annoying and a lot more readable.

Regardless, inspirational shit lowers your sperm count.  Think: “Live Laugh Love”.  That stupid fucking shit was created by some broad who wanted to boss you around.  Don’t fucking tell me what to do, toots.  I don’t even know you.  Besides, the only example of a motivational imperative that does not eat a pile of dongs exists in the University of Notre Dame.

“Hey, this Beastmodal Domains guy is one hypocritical fuck.”  STFU, dipshit.  Also, you’re dead right:

Let’s get back on fucking topic, here.  RX Star pisses on the English language while using images of women (many without their permission) in order to sell whatever the fuck they are selling.  Also, they make intelligent people either regret or avoid breeding.  For fuck sake, I understand some girls like to pump themselves up with superfluous babble (why else would Pinterest exist).  But is life and training really this fucking hard?   

Staring at the above image will make you feel like Tracy Morgan in this clip:

Perhaps I should back off.  Maybe, I should lend my services to them to help with marketing.  I sell the shit out of my shirts (while not shoving them, coated in grammar-abortion sauce, down my reader’s throats).  After all, I am a nice guy.  Approachable, even.  Check out this clip of the day I met my lovely wife:

I found the source of their problems.  They use an automated RX Star image-generator which is basically a randomized thing (hence their weird syntax).  Randomization works just as well for RX Star as it does for your fitness program.  It’s set up like this:  Upload a picture of some CrossFit chick.  It immediately uses archaic fonts to put together a motivational verb with a motivational noun.  It throws that awkward pairing on there, along with a bunch of other trite nonsense aimed at women and slaps the ol’ RX Star logo on it.  Done.  And it’s a virtual pill of reverse-Viagra for the fellas.

I figured I’d give it a go.  I chose a picture of Camille LeBlanc-Bazinet and, in keeping with the status quo, did not get permission.  I tried to fuck with the settings to make it come out less retarded.  I think I accidentally flipped the estrogen levels into beastmode.  Fuck.  This is terrible.

Okay, well that didn’t work and it’s officially the worst thing I’ve seen since I googled ‘blue waffle’.  But wait, I just got an email from RX Star and they totally want to use it.  It’s all yours, ladies.  You’re welcome.

Lemme try this again.  We’ll use a dude to offset the lactational overtones.  Success!  It inspired the shit outta me.  RX Star – you guys can use this one too.  Fucking sweet, no?

Cheers to Norton for the assist on this one.

There will be some changes though.  A joke me and Drywall made on facebook a couple weeks ago got approved as the title for our new format.  Behold:

Nothing major will change.  They’re still gonna yammer on about exercise.  The athlete interviews will still lack personality and substance.  The interaction between Sherwood, Oldroyd and McKernan will still be as awkward as any public access TV channel.  However, I plan to increase the amount of creepy looks Pat Sherwood gives to Miranda Oldroyd.

In addition to that, we’re going to turn the cameras away from the famous exercisers and focus on some lesser-knowns.  Diamond Dave and his boys are finally gonna get the spotlight.  If I would’ve known I could wrap paper towels around the bar, maybe I wouldn’t have been so terrible on 12.2.

We’re also going to allow sponsors (other than Reebok) to advertise.  Lil’ commercial breaks for great products like this one.  Oxygen4Energy sells the opposite of an elevation mask: oxygen that you can breathe.  Chuck “Crazy Legs” Stumpf wants you to know that huffing inhalants is gonna get him to da Games.

Don’t make fun of this shit.  Just because oxygen is free doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pay for it.  If oxygen runs out, you’re gonna need it just like Mel Brooks as President Skroob in Spaceballs.

While we were collecting sponsors, I got an email from a great company who makes something (1) I didn’t know existed and (B) I really fucking need.  A motherfucking food journal.  How the fuck else am I gonna account for how many bites of sweet potato I’ve eaten?  No worries.  According to my food journal, I’ve eaten 3.14 so far today.  That’s like 8 Zone blocks!  Fat boy likey!

Anyway, I hope you guys like the changes to the Games Update show.  I’m just so pumped they hired me.  On my first day at HQ, I was trying to do some Beastmodey humor to lighten everyone up.  I put up copies of this pic I made around the office.  It wasn’t well received.

I guess it pissed off some folks and I got a “warning”.  Roger that!  No more stapling my cute pics to Castro’s and Budding’s cubicles.

Then, I fucked up again and got a 2nd warning.  Something I said to Rory Mckernan in the bathroom.  I was just fucking around.  Christ, it’s what I do.  Rory – I seriously didn’t mean to piss you off.

I know my lanes now, and I ain’t gonna mess this up.  I’m on the inside.  Oh, and I have to quit this blog.  Sorry, everyone.

Fuck.  HQ just read my Achilles post.  In my defense, I wrote that WAY before 12.3.  3rd strike and now I’m fucking fired.  At least it wasn’t in a public forum like the CrossFit message board.  Oh well.  Back to being fringe, I guess.  And back to gay-ass blogging.

Drywall, Wild Gorilla Man and myself have agreed there is no bottom to the stupidity in CrossFit.  Likewise, I don’t feel like writing.  Instead, I’ll just give you a picture-breakdown of what happened.  Enjoy.

Off-camera, he goes apeshit and pulls out double samurai swords and starts decapitating EVERYONE.  Straight rage which lives up to those shorts he stole from the Incredible Hulk.  Next, he quickly converts a weight vest into a suicide bomber vest and blows the whole place up.  The suicide vest was pointless because everyone was already decapitated, but sometimes you gotta put an exclamation point on shit.

I made fun of his daisy dukes and then my head went missing.

Teasdale tried to cheat, got busted and threw a temper tantrum.  It wasnt the only bullshit that happened at that competition, so no one should be surprised that he got away with it.  If the head judge let him act like that, and he was allowed to continue, it’s their fault.  Who fucking cares?  I liked it better the first time I saw it when it was called “Every Second Counts” aka the 2008 Games WSOE.  Matt Murski did the same bounce-catch bullshit and got called out by Dave Castro (sorry, N00bs- you have to be Prebok Crossfit to get that reference).  If you do stupid shit, and you get caught, STFU (duh).  Here’s me right before the last time I got arrested:

There is so much ridiculous shit going on in CrossFit right now, I’m having a hard time keeping up (while simultaneously giving a fuck).  But it’s my duty to make jokes, so lemme slay some topics rapid-fire style:

4Reelz Productions (I got douche-chills typing that)  made a docudrama which attempts to be funny by dusting off those played-out CrossJokes.  “WOD Diaries centers around four females in a fun and humorous way as they try to get in their WODs and while managing their personal relationships in and out of the box”.  So basically, ”Sex And The City” but the CrossSluts explain to regular sluts that “doing Fran” doesn’t mean ”dyke shit”.  Gorsh, that joke never gets old!  It’s getting rave reviews:

“I think it’s a reality show?  Whatevs… Sam is hawt.”  - some CrossSlut

“Toldja.”  – your bro who thinks CrossFit is gay

“Dumbest shit I’ve ever- wait, isn’t that the guy from A Few Good Men?” - Me

Next thing:  this shit (I’m warning you – don’t watch it).  When so-and-so from that video emails me telling me I’m a retard and I didn’t get the joke, I’ll have to claim ignorance.  No really, I didn’t watch past the 25 second mark because it seems they’ve changed the lyrics to silly WODy CrossFitty terms.  Terrible.  Fuck you and fuck Weird Al Yankovic.  The real reason I turned it off at 25 seconds was because I saw this:

Which made me feel exactly like this:

Next thing:  Fashletics.  They combined the word fashion… and… athletics… in a victorious effort to make your dick shrink.  They sell lil’ necklaces and charms for the laydeez (who want people to ask them what that “3-2-1 go!” charm means so they can bore the fuck out them by talking about exercise).  Meh.  I wasn’t that bothered by them til they pissed off my bro’s  Michael J. Fox and Stephen Hawking.

Last up: Fuck, not Rogue.  I actually like Rogue Fitness.  They make good (kinda overpriced, but whatever) equipment and they don’t sell much pointless bullshit.  Until now:

When are these people going to fucking learn that restricting your breathing DOES NOT simulate altitude training?  Even grumpy Ronnie Teasdale knows that, right?  Nope.

"I'm only wearing this because I'm sick of smelling your fear."

Did you see the commercial?  Of course, you did.  According to Facebook and Twitter, a lot of CrossFit exercisers were more concerned with a fucking advertisement than Aaron Rogers and the Packers doing the “Discount Double Choke” against the Giants.  Apparently, the “Sport of Fitness” arrived and interrupted the “Sport of… Sport” (aka the NFL Playoffs).

Who fucking cares?  From what I can tell – there were two basic reactions.

1. Hooray!  I saw people doing wallballs on a commercial during a nationally televised broadcast!  We’ve come so far! 

My response: Shut the fuck up.  After you watched the commercial you had already seen 8 times on YouTube I’m sure you immediately switched the channel from a hugely important playoff game to the fucking WSOE reruns on ESPN2 (which you’ve also already seen 8 times).  You can’t be helped and I’m bored with making fun of you.

2.  Oh no!  This means the demise of CrossFit!  All of our affiliates will be taken over by Reebok!

My response: Shut the fuck up.  I thought the commercial was fucking funny with its militaristic helicopter invasion.  The symbolism was just perfect enough to get the gullible conspiracy theorist/affiliate owner to fear a hostile takeover.  Suckers.  As much as I want to, I don’t remember the commercial going like this:

Now, that’s a commercial.  It kicked off the type of dream sequence in my head I used to have in school (until they put me on Ritalin)…  UH-SPLOSION!  Then tanks rolling and troops marching!  Their color guards bear the flag of the glorious ReePublic:

Then after the helicopters drop the new “boxes” on top of existing affiliates, the previous owners are brainwashed and forced to work for the new regime.

And then the CrossFit Kids program got fucking mandatory.  All youth of great ReePublic do CrossFit.  This make strong worker for glory of Mother Reebok.

And the new “Fittest Man on Earth” was crowned at the 2012 World Series of Exercise.   

Then my daydream ended and I went back to watching football and drankin’.

Yesterday, me and Drywall had a chat about this and he pretty much summed it all up to the point where there’s no need for further discussion.  Before you say anything, prepare to shut the fuck up.

The link Drywall is referring to: Reebok’s Jukari “fit to fly”.  A partnership with Cirque du Soleil.  Outstanding stuff and I don’t know why it didn’t catch on. 

As far as the pairing of The Biggest Loser’s Bob Harper with CrossFit - let’s just hope he can do for CrossFit what he did for Queer Abs.  No, seriously – click on that link.  You’re welcome.  “Good job, Bootcamp Bob!”

Bob Harper destrominates the fatness every season on The Biggest Loser.  This season, he’s got the fatties doing elements of CrossFit.  A couple weeks ago, me and John Welbourn of CrossFit Football and Talk To Me Johnnie had some chuckles on Twitter about ol’ Bootcamp Bob:

And so begins the endless tweets and facebook status updates about CrossFit on the Biggest Loser.  Am I gonna watch that crap?  Probably not.  Although, I do get a giggle out of watching the contestants cry while eating.  That shit is pure poetry. 

P.S.  Those of you who’ve asked me to make a t-shirt of the ReePublic flag – I would but I’m really busy not dealing with lawsuits and shit.  Sorry.

CrossFit on social media makes me want to punch myself in the breeding parts.  I (hypocritically) wish people would shut the fuck up about exercise.  When the Broncos beat the Steelers (lulz) in overtime Sunday night, SICFIT literally figuratively laid a steaming pile of shit on my Twitter timeline.

How the fuck is this even remotely related to CrossFit?  Clearly, it’s not.  But in a world where some motherfuckers see medball cleans as life and death, those same motherfuckers gotta tie real sports to CrossFit.  Fuck you.  Hey, SICFIT – shut the fuck up.  You want my “thoughts”?  Tebow would be a great CrossFit athlete… if he got tired of getting paid millions and wanted to fade into obscurity.

Dog Tags by SICFIT (those who know are).  Because you have just enlisted in the Army of Foppish Dandies.  You will report immediately to Poseur Company, Disposable Income Battalion.  “Ya, they’re awesome.”  28 dollars of awesome.

It’s my own fault for following those clowns on Twitter.  Sifting through garbage is the price I pay to mock shit.  I follow lots of dummies on Twitter and I’m never far from a chuckle when there are people like this:

Intrinsically?  Wow.  I just caught my thesaurus beating off to that tweet.  Verbose > profound.  Gimme some more gems, Tony.

Wait, so learning from great people is easier than learning from idiots?  Fuck yeah, Tony.  See if you can get the ghost of Winston Churchill to give you another high-five:

Wait, what?  Oh, Tony.  You intrinsically got me.  Good one.   

Let’s move on to CrossFit’s version of Jessica Rabbit:

Those silly boys pay me so much attention!   Don’t know Allison NYC?  Nutshell – her oversexed, cutesy routine demands that you pay attention to her.  Now.  While the IGX crowd begs Wild Gorrilla Man to sweet talk her into shooting more nakies, her twitter followers continue to suffer through shit like this:

Tee-hee.  Lemons for breakfast!  Boo’s treasure map led you to right to the rare chest of gold doubloons that is organic lemons.  Cherish this moment.   Your limited amount of brain cells figured out how to kill some of mine.  You win.

@CrossFitProblms is a parody of a worn-out parody.  They tweet the exact crap you would expect.  You’ll find them hilarious if you’ve been doing CrossFit for less than 5 minutes.  And you lack a sense of humor.  Example:

Yep.  That’s their shtick.  Like when Jeff Dunham is on Comedy Central and it’s so fucking terrible, but you can’t stop watching…

“I know, right!?  Having to go to the grocery store is SUCH a #crossfitproblem, ha ha!  Oh, us CrossFitters are so funny!” 

You wanna see a real CrossFit problem?

Now we’re talking.  Kayla_rea is on to something…  Wait, what’s this?  Another CrossFit problem?

GOD DAMN IT!  

1. using ‘CrossFit’ as a verb
2. using the term ‘obvi’
3. another dipshit trying to relate real sports to CrossFit  

Fuck.  It’s no wonder why Drywall quit.  Thanks, bro (for leaving me to deal with this crap).

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Edit (20 Jan 2012):  Allison NYC finally read this post.  Her response:

Hey there, n00b.  You’ve committed to joining a CrossFit affiliate in January.  Congrats and welcome to a strange environment of group exercise (and groupthink).  Before you show up with uncool shoes, basketball shorts and no understanding of how to do a Sumo Deadlift High Pull, allow me to assist you in navigating the unfamiliar world of CrossFit.  Since I’ve already covered what not to do here, I’m going to give you some tips on what you can do in order to survive. 

Don’t Worry About The Movements:  You’ve been hornswoggled into taking an on-ramp program where a coach will teach you how WE exercise.  The extra fee for the on-ramp program i$ fun becau$e you’ve already paid for your member$hip and now you’ll al$o have to pay more ca$h to be taught how to be a member.  You won’t learn how to do cool shit, but you’ll become a fucking samurai with the PVC pipe.

Didn't see that on ESPN2? Welcome to CrossFit, sucka.

Scale The WODs:  CrossFit is hard and you suck, so scaling makes it easier.  I went into detail here, and your coach can help you figure out how to apply the concept.  Sometimes, you have to be creative in order to hit from the ladies’ tees. 

Green Bands: the "Easy Button" of CrossFit

Thanks to DNF Apparel for the shirt.  Buy their shit, proceeds go to charity.

Don’t Worry About The People:  We’re generally nice and may talk to you (if you’re already fit/strong or you’re a hot chick).  If you don’t fit into that category, you’ll be left alone and ignored as though your mediocrity is contagious.  No big deal, you’ll make friends eventually.  CrossFit social events occur often and I’m sure your Paleo Brownies will be a hit.  Pro-tip: make a normal dessert and tell people it’s completely paleo.  “Oh my God, N00b!  This is delicious.  What’s your real name?”

1 pood of almond flour, coconut oil & nothing else. Swear to God.

Worry Like A Motherfucker About The Fashion:  It’s a big deal to CrossFitters.  Get rid of that workout clothing you bought from the store that sells… workout clothing.  Me and my uncool Under Armour shorts can’t help you with fashion.  But don’t worry, SICFIT (those who know are) is a great resource for all things foppish. 

"Dolce and Gabbana, HELLO!"

What We Do For Abs:  In CrossFit, we don’t do abs.  Why?  Because we do not do abs.  Don’t fucking ask about it again.  I’ve been doing CrossFit for years and have never done abs.  Not once.  Call it midline stabilization or call it a cash-out if you must, but just remember:

I hope my advice helps and I’m really pulling for you.  You’re what I call a “January gym-joiner” and your expiration date is usually mid-March.  You don’t want to end up in the client graveyard, so you’re going to have to flip the fucking switch and go beastmode to escape your n00b status.  It wont take long.  Try to make it to April and you’ll become so fucking indoctrinated, you won’t be mentally capable of quitting on your own.  Until then, enjoy your Christmas and I hope you don’t get shitty gifts.  Like this one:

Like all competitive individuals who washed out of real sports, get ready to throw down for another season of exercise competition.  The World Series of Exercise Open Qualifiers starts in February.  It’s time to prepare for six weeks of focusing on six individual WODs (and gaming the fuck out of them) while conversely preaching GPP and “unknown and unknowable” to CrossFit n00bs.

Who fucking cares that CrossFit is a game?  Competition is the shit.  Unknown and unknowable is a cute concept, but if you tell me on Tuesday what the competition workout will be on Saturday, I’m fucking practicing.  There is strategy involved.  GPP is important, but I’m not in it for that.  The competitor needs to approach this shit with programming that compliments the goal to fuckstomp your opponents.

Recognizing this goal, Rudy Nielsen of Outlaw CrossFit is a bearded wizard who programs for CrossFit competitors.  He’s coached four who’ve competed in the games: Amanda Miller, Laura (DeMarco) Nielsen, Becky Conzleman and Brandon Phillips, and has a platoon of hardcocks in Alexandria, VA who will destrominate your face off in competition.  Beyond programming for his normal clients, his programming for competitors started as a sort of underground test bed for an impending CrossFit Journal article.  The word got out and it’s snowballed into something that has attracted additional games competitors.

He explains his theories here but the basics are: application of the Limited Conjugate Method, focus on Olympic lifts and gymnastics movements (those common to CrossFit competition) and Metcons less than 12 minutes.  While mixing in different methods, he’s taken a lot of inspiration from Westside Barbell (in a text to me he said, “I’m totally copying Louie Simmons”).  Makes sense.  If you want to make your athletes strong, learn from a guy whose neck is wider than his skull.

Louie Simmons = bear + razor

The Outlaw Way isn’t for everyone.  In fact, it’s difficult as fuck (not a surprise coming from the guy who designed King Kong).  I’ve been taken way out of my comfort zone.  This is cool, because adaptation to training that’s harder than coffin nails equates to wiener growth.  Rudy’s tracked tremendous gains in those who follow his system and it’s fairly new (to people outside his gym).  Their goal is to win.  Everything.  That should be every competitor’s goal.  Cockpunch weakness and destrominate your opponents.

Is this a fucking commercial for his shit?  Nope.  I’m just giving competitors a jump on the CFJ article and trying to spread the word on what I think is the future of CrossFit programming.  Either way, if you’re planning on competing you should get on a program that is strategically designed to prepare you for what you’ll face in competition.  You may have a hard time achieving that doing trust falls.

I started writing this post a week ago with every intention of being really persuasive as to why high rep box jumps are fucking stupid and dangerous.  Then something happened.  Last Friday, CrossFit Games athlete Kate Rawlings ruptured her left Achilles during the box jump portion of Filthy 50.  She had surgery yesterday.  I guess I don’t have to soapbox this one as hard. 

Kate Rawlings: CrossFit's most recent box jump Achilles casualty

Box jumps began as “depth jumps” or “the shock method” by the late Professor Yuri Verkhoshansky in the former Soviet Union.  The athlete drops down from a specified height and subsequently jumps up onto a box as seen here by Dwayne Wade of the Miami Heat:

The muscle contraction resulting from the resistance created by the landing is similar to weight training while teaching the muscles to become faster in switching between a force yielding contraction to force generating contraction (stretch-shortening cycle).  It’s basically some explosive shit and is fucking badass.

High Jumper, 1964 Olympic Gold Medalist Valeriy Brumel

Once the USSR Olympic athletes gained success from this training, it spread worldwide and became misused and renamed as “plyometrics”.  Enter the box jump.  The stress created by bounding on and off a box is not very different from what is experienced during depth jumps.  When done properly and in moderation it’s an effective training tool, but in a high-rep situation your body will only take so much of this stress before it breaks.  Then your Achilles looks like delicious spaghetti.

Verkhoshansky recommended the reps and height to be based upon the athlete’s capability.  Regardless, he suggested no more than 4 sets of 10 reps (with as much quality and rest as possible due to the stress of the movement and potential tissue damage).  You see that picture of D Wade doing depth jumps up there?  In this video, his strength coach says he has Wade do no more than 3 sets of 6 reps.  That’s it.  Keep in mind: Dwayne Wade is a better fucking athlete than you.

"06 Finals MVP? Meh. But what's his Fran time?"

“The guy who invented the movement says don’t do more than 4 sets of 10?  Fuck you, Professor Verk.  You don’t know shit.  This is CrossFit.  We are elite.”  And so, we charge on with our stupidity and people get fucked up.  In fact, there are estimates of 80-90 occurrences of Achilles ruptures resulting from high-rep box jumps in CrossFit dating back to 2007.  Of note, 2011 Open Qualifier WOD 11.2 yielded an estimated 20-25 incidents of Achilles rupture.

Perhaps those figures are exaggerations.  Or are they?  Data is everywhere and doubters can take a look here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  And here.  Welcome to the club, Kate.

Roman, you're a fucking dick.

Have I given room for a counterpoint?  Maybe not.  I think box jumps in general are a valuable thing (specifically, max height box jumps).  Coaches should become aware that doing them in such high numbers may get your clients injured.  Injuries are a part of life and sport (real sports- not exercising).  But getting injured during training is fucking gayer than trees.  

My intent for this post was to wake people up about the injuries in CrossFit caused by high rep box jumps.  I had no clue this was an issue until I got injured last summer.  It would be great if shit could change and fewer people got hurt.  That will require affiliates to stop programming high rep box jumps.  I’m not holding my breath on that one, though.  What’s up, coaches?  Post to comments.