CTO @ the 2011 CrossFit Games Mid-Atlantic Regionals
Uh-sploded from his mother’s womb in the late 70′s, Epic’s first appearance was at a fine Jewish hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. Everything he does is fucking intense and full of rage. When he’s not ripping massive deadlifts or cranking pullups until your eyes get pregnant, he’s fucking destrominating teh intarnetz by writing scientific shit that makes your brain learn. You’re welcome.
Another Ravens/Steelers argument turned ugly.
This site is intended to aid any individual who is having trouble flipping their switch and going Beastmode. It will assist the reader with an understanding of how to get better at fitness and nutrition without using too many words that make Epic sound like he knows how to use a scientific calculator and/or has never seen a vagina. Epic has chosen CrossFit as the training platform which most closely benefits his intended level of destromination towards any athletic endeavor. He is not a CrossFit certified trainer, so take his advice at your own risk… of being a badass. His experience is based in the fact that he’s been fit as a motherfucker since before you had pubes. He trains under the tutelage of the excellent coaching staff at CrossFit Takeover in Virginia Beach, VA.
#1 by Amanda Bowen on September 29, 2011 - 9:14 AM
you cuss a lot, you’re a beast and you are mildly hilarious. i think i’m in love. don’t take in personally. AB
#2 by Witness on September 30, 2011 - 4:15 AM
Just discovered your site and am well impressed, keep blogging, I’m married and need the laughter
#3 by Courtney on October 10, 2011 - 12:56 AM
You are awesome. Keep up the good work.
#4 by Louise Richards on October 10, 2011 - 6:12 AM
Mate, love your blog, laughing out loud! You write some funny shit.
#5 by Janet on October 14, 2011 - 8:50 PM
Started reading your posts for the first time and could not stop…good stuff!
#6 by Trina on October 16, 2011 - 11:15 PM
Oh, it’s been a good day in my world….stumbling upon your blog. Keep writing so that I can find joy in my day!
#7 by jen on October 18, 2011 - 2:08 PM
awesome…this is my daily dose of humor…keep on keeping on
#8 by Dan on November 2, 2011 - 11:45 PM
Men that cuss are sexy?
#9 by EPIC on November 3, 2011 - 11:46 AM
Fuck yeah.
#10 by mmm hmm on March 2, 2012 - 10:06 PM
nuh
#11 by Dennis on December 9, 2011 - 11:33 AM
Those sambas in the pic above?
Adidas indoor soccer shoes for lifting=next level respect upgrade maneuver.
Plus your blog is tits.
#12 by JP Mummey on December 22, 2011 - 12:45 PM
Can you go beastmode on a fucking RSS function? Pretty please
#13 by X-SWO on January 1, 2012 - 11:36 AM
Just found your blog…I’ve been cross-fitting on my own since April, and while I really enjoy the fitness, I’ve been less than enthused with the “cult”. Dude, thanks for keeping it real, practical, and in perspective. BTW “destrominate”, and variants thereof, are now a permanent part of my vocab. Keep up the awesome work!
#14 by Joey on January 14, 2012 - 11:59 PM
Mind if I use your deadlifting bear on my website?
#15 by EPIC on January 17, 2012 - 10:53 AM
go forth
#16 by KT on January 23, 2012 - 4:04 AM
Funny shit. I love the swearing. Carry on.
#17 by johnnyboyolive on March 13, 2012 - 6:18 AM
Finally someone who really tells the profanity riddled truth about CFit… I CFit to laugh my ass off – thanks to you Epic…
‘veritas vos liberabit’ (The truth shall make you free)
Jolly F’n Good Stuff Man -
#CrossfitProblems #KneeSocks
#18 by Fastlion on April 11, 2012 - 2:43 AM
Yesterday I shat myself doing squats. Today I puked in the trash can in front of Father time, a 12 year old girl and that Arian Jesus painting at the YMCA. Does that qualify as beastmoding??
#19 by EPIC on April 11, 2012 - 4:05 PM
absofuckinglutely
#20 by Making an observation on April 25, 2012 - 4:05 PM
This is some of the worst writing I’ve seen in some time. I’m not sure what the author is trying to articulate, but it seems some readers “get it.” This is garbage content contributing to the web’s overflow of irrelevant information that helps no one. And the 99%’ers wonder why people like this are in the 99%. Keep at it, son.
#21 by EPIC on April 25, 2012 - 4:21 PM
Your mom.
#22 by AMS23 on April 26, 2012 - 3:45 PM
Yeah exactly, go cry to your mom MAO. This site is a motivational tool for bad asses who like to push heavy objects primarily to put down people like you, Mr. 1%er. So don’t be jealous cuz the only heavy object you can lift is a ham burger. We work hard to earn the right to ridicule and verbally abuse idiots who think they know everything.
You need to go back to complaining about Obama or whatever it is you 1%ers do. “Keep at it, son.”
#23 by cms227 on April 27, 2012 - 7:37 AM
Actually, most 1%ers are hardcocks who got to their position of eliteness by beastmoding over any pussy who got in their way.
#24 by Joe on May 4, 2012 - 3:58 PM
I’ve been doing CrossFit on my own for 2 months and thought it was an awesome no bullshit program, then I realized I didn’t have the special designer shoes and t-shirts for maximum elite performance. hahahaha P.S. Dear HQ, there is nothing functional or naturally resembling the GHR, so cut the shit.
#25 by Darcy on May 12, 2012 - 10:45 PM
Found your blog after typing “fat acceptance is bullshit” into google … and I cant put it down!
#26 by Cross on May 24, 2012 - 5:27 AM
Thank you for taking RX Star and their ilk to task for their relentless, positive drivel. Their consistent inanity makes me want to blow my brains out. No wait… blow THEIR brains out. Yes, definitely THEIR brains.